Newsletter Article: Marking Landmark Occasions with Ceremony

Marking Landmark Occasions with Ceremony: Private Ceremonies at Shao Shan Temple

By Rev. Taihaku Priest and Rev. Kenzan Seidenberg

Our lives are interspersed with landmark occasions.  In the same way as when we take a journey on a path unknown, at the important junctures of the path, we will mark a tree or make a pile of stones, so we know the way that we have come, so we mark these life junctures.

As a community temple, it is an important function of Shao Shan Temple to make available private and public ceremonies where we can join together for these landmark occasions. Some landmark occasions are major decisions, such as marriage or ordination. When a landmark occasion is a decision, having it acknowledged and witnessed by the community underscores commitment and responsibility. Some landmark occasions come upon us by the nature of being alive: we are born and we die.

Landmark ceremonies commemorated at Shao Shan Temple (or performed by Taihaku/Kenzan at other locations) often have a mix of ancient traditional ritual and aspects which are tailored to meet the needs of the individual(s). Each ceremony is unique.

Birth

The great beginning of life, birth, is a time of celebration and wonder. The ceremony to welcome a new life to a family can take many different names and forms: “Baby Blessing,” “Naming Ceremony,” “Baptism,” or “Welcoming Ceremony.” Sometimes parents choose to have the ceremony specifically when the child is three months old; other times it is held at a time that works well for all family members and friends. An especially valuable part of the ceremony is often the “commitment of intention” by parents (and sometimes by godparents if they are being designated). Parents have found it to be both helpful and moving to specifically articulate “their intentions as a parent,” which define clearly how they want to support this new life in their care. To state these intentions publicly further underlines them.

Coming of Age

The significance of reaching maturity as a young adult has many aspects which, when addressed, help a young adult take full responsibility in society and also for their personal future. Throughout time there have been “rite of passage” rituals to signify when a young person comes of age. We see that this need for formally acknowledging the transition to adulthood still exists. Although this has been rarely requested at Shao Shan Temple, we try to incorporate aspects of this in mentoring programs when appropriate.

Marriage

When two people commit their lives, love, and loyalty to each other, the community rejoices in their sacred vows. Each wedding is individually designed based on what the couple wants. Often in weddings that we have performed there has been a blending of different traditions – for instance, incorporating Christian or Jewish elements in addition to traditional elements and chants from the Zen tradition. An aspect that many couples recently have found to be moving is to incorporate after the usual “I do” questions, asking all those congregated “Do all present here today pledge to support  “Name 1” and “Name 2” in the vows to which they will be entering?” This highlights our interconnectedness and the responsibility we share.

Death

The conclusion of a person’s life holds an ultimate significance. Sometimes shocking, sometimes a relief after a long illness, the ramifications are often difficult. Services for a deceased loved one can provide support in this difficult time. Often the services surrounding someone’s death have several phases. There may be an intimate time of chanting with the body shortly after death, a Memorial Service and an Interment Ceremony, or a ceremony when scattering the ashes, as depicted in the photo at left. Memorial Services are primarily for friends and loved ones of the deceased and are designed with input from the family and close friends to reflect the life and wishes of the person who died. From our Buddhist perspective, we consider that the funeral is equally important for the one who has died: to help and support them during this transition.  Death can be a shock to the living and also to those who have died.  Funerals can help everyone realize and accept the reality of death.

Divorce

Ceremonies acknowledge and mark conscious beginnings and endings. As such, we would suggest that it could be appropriate to incorporate sacred ritual around divorce, especially when there are children involved.  We would like to offer a ceremony to acknowledge the love that had been there, to wish each other well, and to commit to the continuing support of the children.  Such a ceremony can facilitate the integration of a difficult occasion into the life journey.

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Ceremonies can support people in their joy or sorrow.  They are consciously designed to support those present and to create a sacred container. They mark events in our memory. They allow important occasions to be witnessed and provide support in new beginnings and in our grief. 

Ceremonies mark when life will never be the same again. Through ritual or structure, a group can amplify an occasion and bring to it the power of completion. Without such a ceremony, there can be a lingering sense that the significance of the event was not wholly realized.

In Soto Zen monasteries, the monastic life is a series of little ceremonies. There is the ceremony for eating with the oryoki bowls, a chant when brushing one’s teeth, and morning, noon and evening services. By noting the beginning and the ending of each moment, these daily ceremonies mark each moment as important and sacred. We do this each time we sit in meditation with the mini-ceremony of bowing in the direction of the cushion and turning clockwise and bowing in the direction of those assembled: bowing with gratitude for the opportunity to practice, and then bowing with gratitude to all those present who are also supporting our practice and all those who have gone before throughout time.

Although tradition, ritual implements, and sacred surroundings can evoke a respectful/solemn attitude, we can also be aware that ceremonies can happen anywhere and at any time.  For instance, when leaves change color and dance in the wind descending to earth, or the first blanket of snow falls, this is like a ceremony marking a significant change. Every breath is a ceremony, a sacred moment.