Heart of the Way
by
Shao-Ren
Of all the influences
that led me to Zen, the death of my father when I was a child was the most
important catalyst. As is often the case, this early encounter with “the great
matter of life and death” sent me on a search throughout my early years.
Thankfully, I had a mom who accepted and encouraged my exploration of
spirituality.
When I was 16, a friend invited me to attend a talk given by
H.H. the Dalai Lama. This was part of the Dalai Lama’s first trip to the United
States in 1979. It’s amazing to recall the small gathering at the Theosophical
Society that day! A year later when I went to college, I somehow knew that I
wanted to study Buddhism.
In college I found the academic study of Buddhism dry and
far too removed from experience. After three frustrating years, I gave up. Thankfully,
there was a professor in the psychology department who was teaching experiential
methods related to mindfulness. This apparent detour into psychology eventually
developed into a deeply satisfying career. At that time I couldn’t have
imagined the cross-pollination between psychology and Buddhism that exists
today.
I moved to Vermont in the late ‘90s and was incredibly
fortunate to begin working with a therapist who was a committed Buddhist
practitioner. Her personal integration of seemingly divergent paths offered a
powerful model for me. In 2004, another encounter with “the great matter”
occurred with the birth of my daughter. Being a new mom opened me up in ways I
didn’t expect. Watching my daughter change, day by day, made me sensitive to
the fleeting nature of things. Perhaps this recognition of impermanence also
gave rise to a sense of urgency around the spiritual dimension of my life.
My first visit to
Shao Shan in late 2005 was a remarkable experience for me. I was struck by the
living, vibrant quality of the temple – and even more struck by Taihaku, who
seemed to relate to her surroundings in a way I had never encountered before. Though
I was a little afraid of her at first, she put me at ease over the next few
months and took great interest in my experience as a new mom. This pointed me
in the direction of engaging with my everyday life as the ground of practice –
no more dry academic Buddhism! In 2008, I became a formal student which confirmed
the connection that I felt in that first meeting and has also sustained my
practice in community with others.
The intimacy of the Shao Shan sangha and the warmth and care
expressed by Taihaku and Kenzan have provided a continuous teaching about
taking care of and appreciating life – so much at the heart of Zen. At times I have
struggled with what seemed like an uneasy fit between my Zen practice and my
work and family responsibilities. Slowly, and with the help and enormous
patience and gentleness of my teachers, I am seeing that there is really no separation
and “my Zen practice” is becoming just my
life. In 2017, I had the incredible experience of travelling to Japan with
Taihaku to visit her training monastery, Hokyoji. Seeing the strong, earthy,
wholehearted practice that is the foundation of Shao Shan only deepened my gratitude
and aspiration. Thank you.
Shao-Ren
