HEART OF THE WAY
by
Judy Harden
Every one of us
has some pull towards what is true, a pull to wake up. Sometimes this can feel
like a search for “something more.” In Japanese this is expressed as “do-shin,”
literally “Way – Heart/Mind.” Looking back over our life to see how The Way, The
Dharma, The Bodhisattva Mind arose and got cultivated in our life can be a
helpful new way to review our own life story. It can also help us to read
someone else’s story. Sometimes there is an event or burning question that
sparks this deeper aspiration or inquiry in our life. The following piece
by Judy Harden is the 2nd article in this series.
I was an only child, and my parents were
estranged from their families. I sought connections beyond those available at
school, which led to an early involvement with a church in Alabama. My parents
took me and dropped me off. At that church, I had a family of friends my own
age and all other ages. I became more and more involved in church activities
and saw Jesus as my savior (which startled my parents no end). This involvement
began to come apart during my college years, and no other spiritual path
emerged for me for many years. I was quite lonely and confused during these
years.
I became interested in meditation sometime in
my 30’s, partly through my interest and profession in clinical psychology. This
eventually led me to Buddhism, and eventually to Joko Beck, one of Maizumi
Roshi’s heirs, but a renegade. I practiced with her for many years, going to
four sesshins a year from Vermont, and having Dokusan with her by phone every
other week. When her health failed, I studied a couple of years with Myotai
Treace, another renegade, from Zen Mountain Monastery. She was based in New
York, so this was another relationship from a distance, with periodic sesshins
at the Garrison Institute. I received the precepts from her and made my first
Rakusu. This practice fell apart with her health. I then practiced with Barry
Magid from the Ordinary Mind Zendo in New York City; as one of Joko’s heirs,
his practice was based in her teachings. I attend
sesshins there twice a year and have Dokusan with him regularly by phone. I am also in touch from a distance with other students of Barry’s by Zoom every two to three weeks or so.
This is sounding like some kind of “Butterfly
Zen” practice, spanning over 30 years. Writing this piece has shown me that
what was missing throughout this journey was a face-to-face sangha, the
grounding I was struggling to find.
I learned about Shao Shan when I heard they
were opening a temple, though Taihaku insisted vehemently that she was NOT a
teacher, and she was away in Japan a lot. I was taken aback by the formality of
the statues and rituals, given the simplicity of the other settings I had been
involved with. I decided not to return.
Then I heard about
the Study Group, and thought, “Hmmmm...” Then one amazing opportunity after
another emerged. The strong sense of community and generosity here, the
diversity of activities and opportunities, the affection and support expressed
for each other in so many ways, the respect for ritual, the incomparable
teachings and guidance provided by Taihaku and Kenzan; all of this binds us
together. I have a strong sense of family here, at last.
That deep loneliness is present at times. That has not disappeared, but now I know how to
experience it when it comes without the fear I used to feel. This is because of
our sitting practice together, the Dharma teachings, and the connections I
experience at Shao Shan Temple. To
paraphrase Dogen Zenji, “To study the Buddha Way is to study the self; to study
the self is to forget the self; to forget the self is to be embraced by the
10,000 things.” This is true for me.
Judy’s Dharma
Name, given to her by Rev. Taihaku in 2016, is “JoZen” - meaning “Always-Whole”.
