Heart of the Way - RaiMon (newsletter article)

 HEART OF THE WAY

by Dick RaiMon Hurewitz-Herbert

I did not grow up in a family that practiced any religion or spirituality.  My life was crisis-to-crisis in an alcoholic family.  At age 35, I became sober, and now was the oddball in my family system.  Sobriety brought me the first “this is right” feeling of my life.  I dove into sobriety by being an alcohol counselor and attending Alcoholic Anonymous (AA).

AA was a challenge for me. I didn’t seem to quite fit in. Then I heard one man’s story, and I was sure I wanted this man to be my AA Sponsor (mentor).  Later I saw this man yelling and screaming at his wife and children. It jolted me.  But it was “I don’t want to be like that”.  I wanted 24/7 sobriety, not just looking good in meetings. A few years later, I noticed that some of my friends left me with warm and fuzzy feelings and others left me with heartburn. I examined what made some friends warm and fuzzy.  I found that all had a spiritual practice (meditation, 12 Step, martial arts, friendly religion, etc.).  None were working at the highest possible paying job.  And all were doing volunteer work. I signed up as a Hospice volunteer.

I went through the Hospice training and got my first client.  He was a huge angry man with a brain tumor, and I felt unsafe being with him.  When I asked to stop seeing him, I met the Hospice chaplain, who was a Shambala Buddhist.  In one meeting with her, I felt as if there were no walls between us.  It was profound. I know now that it was two Buddha Natures meeting. Then, I just knew I wanted to have what she had.  I joined Shambhala and had lunch with her any time she was available.  What I didn’t say was that I thought this had to be “true love”, and that she must be the one to have my children.  At that time, I had no ability to comprehend two Buddha Natures meeting other than to force it into my skewed “true love” definition.  Over time, she and I became very good friends and still are today. I was with Shambala for a few years, but again found that I did not fit in.  I left Shambhala and started going to the Milarepa Center which practiced Gelugpa Tibetan Buddhism.  I especially connected with the Venerable Robina Courtin, a crusty down to earth visiting teacher.  During this time, two different friends introduced me to Shao Shan.  For a while, I attended both the Milarepa Center and Shao Shan.

Shao Shan felt different from the beginning.  I felt that Taihaku had my back, but I was still leery of not fitting in again.  I did a lot of sitting at Shao Shan.  At one point, a young priest arrived at Shao Shan who had no training.  Taihaku took her under her wing.  Then Taihaku sent her to another temple for more training.  I realized I now had a teacher who did not profess to know everything! 

That realization, combined with seeing how many women priests and abbots were in Soto Zen, made me aware that the traditional patriarchal Buddhism was being transformed in Soto Zen, and especially here at Shao Shan. There was room for change, and that included Shao Shan accepting the imperfect me.  For the first time in my life, it felt as if I did not have to park what was important to me at the door of Shao Shan before entering. 

About four years before Taihaku became the Shao Shan Abbott, I rented a cabin near the Shao Shan garden.  I had just ended a relationship and sensed that I should not hang around men who had ended similar relationships and were complaining about the women who had wronged them. The cabin allowed me to attend both classes and almost all sittings. And I was witnessing a sangha that had people working out issues in relationships. About six months after Taihaku became Abbott, Hollie and I were married at Shao Shan.  A year later I adopted Hollie’s son, Daniel. Soon Hollie became Taihaku’s student.  I have certainly been blessed by knowing Shao Shan, and I do fit in.