Heart of the Way - AnTei (newsletter article)

 

Heart of the Way

-- by Julie Hand

 

Sometime in the mid-90’s, I had the good fortune to work with a therapist who had a solid background in Buddhism. My life had been feeling empty and full of angst. The therapist’s gentle way of being and relationship with the Dharma turned my life around. He loaned me books and tapes on Buddhism, taught me meditation, and sometimes held discussion groups. I absorbed it all like a sponge. This did much to fill that chasm inside, kindling a flame for Buddhism that has never died.

After leaving the therapist I kept up a practice and read on my own, but the desire for a teacher and a Sangha began to grow on me. What was it about the Dharma that tugged at my being? Whenever sad or confused, I would turn to readings by Pema Chodron, Thich Nhat Hanh, Shunryu Suzuki, and poets like Hafiz, Rumi, or Gary Snyder. Perusing their words and meditating soothed and centered me. But I longed for more structure and the support of a group, for spiritual friends.

Eventually I explored Karme Choling, a Shambala Meditation Center in Barnet, Vermont. Though I enjoyed these programs, I never felt at home there, which greatly disappointed me. Moreover, the size of the community and the elaborate scope and setting were not to my liking.

One day, Donna invited me to visit Shao Shan for the Jukai ceremony.  I was a little intimidated by the ceremony’s formality, in particular reciting the lineage. Despite this, I felt very welcomed there and was thrilled to discover they had a study group. I began to attend Tuesday evenings, full of questions.  Over time my hesitation eased, and I came to love the rhythm of reciting the Daioshos as well as rituals.

In 2010 I sewed my Rakusu and gave my vows for the 16 precepts, becoming Taihaku's student.  In hindsight, being entrusted with full commitment was a little abrupt. I now see the wisdom of two ceremonies; sewing the Wagesa and receiving the first five precepts, and then (if desired), sewing the Rakusu and becoming a formal student. My understanding and pledge to uphold the precepts have deepened over time and have become the heart of my practice.

I deeply appreciate the warmth, receptiveness, and intimacy I receive from Taihaku, Kenzan and the Sangha. Being part of the Shao Shan community is deeply satisfying to me. It is my home away from home.